update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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