Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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