hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
