there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
