I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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