Nicole vs. Life
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
