i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
