If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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