I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
