so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
