I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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