that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize