M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize