So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
