I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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