My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
