I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So here I am, sexting at work.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
