That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
