he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
