I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
