My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
