You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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