just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
