Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
