My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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