It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
