So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
