I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
