need another drink. this is the easiest way
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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