he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
drinking out of a sandbucket again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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