8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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