There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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