Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
