How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
