Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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