I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize