Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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