Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
