I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize