Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
