It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
