Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
