The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize