YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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