Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
