If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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