im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
