the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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