Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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