How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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