idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
