just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
