That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
