He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
