No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
