so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
