he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
