i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
