Sry I called you an 8
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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