And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
