They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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