He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So vagazzling was a success
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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