eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
