Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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