how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
