okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
